01/26 Cartoon- Attack Of The Attack Ads

Tuesday can't come fast enough.

Florida's airwaves have been filled for weeks with attack ads bought by super pacs and GOP presidential opponents, in hopes of trash-talking their way to the nomination by shortening the life of our mute buttons.

And it's only going to get a lot worse in the remaining few days leading up to the Republican primary vote on Tuesday.

Plus, don't forget, during the upcoming summer and fall, BOTH parties will be unleashing packs of 30-second pitbullish TV spots on each other until election day.

Sadly, attack ads are effective. Recall how Romney's ads trashed Gingrich before the New Hampshire primary a few weeks ago, and Newt lost big. Later, the former Speaker of the House fired back with his own (and allied super pacs') broadcast barrage right up to the South Carolina primary last weekend, flattening Mitt by a double digit margin.

Conclusion? Drowning Floridians in negativity, nuance and nonsense = nomination.

Trouble is, it's our eyes, ears and intelligence that are assaulted.

Here's the sketch.

01/25 Cartoon- Showdown

Click on the cartoon to enlarge it.

Newt Gingrich's South Carolina Republican primary win last weekend, turned Florida's primary into the OK Corral.

Who will be be last man standing?

Who knows? But as Florida is a closed primary state, with a delegate count greater than Iowa, New Hampshire and South Carolina combined, the winner will most likely emerge as the Republican nominee once the smoke clears.

The trouble is, no one seems very enthusiastic about the remaining four candidates. Plus, we Floridians have already begun hunkering to a week of attack ads, super pacs, fabrications and bloviating leading up to Saturday's showdown...

...at low noon.

Here's the sketch.

Cartoon Caption Contest 01/24

Cold cash?... Come up with a snarky caption for this cartoon, email it to us, and we'll sort the best and funniest punchlines from the rest. Then, on the following Monday, we'll post the winner's name and caption along with two runners-up here at JPTI as well as in the print edition of FLORIDA TODAY.

Since you'll be writing for a cartoon, we've added the professional feel by setting a deadline for you -- please e-mail your entries to us by 4pm Thursday.

In your e-mail message, be sure to include your name and where you live. E-mail: jparker@floridatoday.com

Challenge your office co-workers, friends and families.

Captions submitted as comments will be disqualified.

A few guidelines:

-Please keep your captions clean and libelous-free. Remember, we're a family newspaper.
-Keep it brief. I know it's difficult, but bear in mind the funniest cartoons depend on brevity for maximum effect. And since these are editorial cartoons, don't spare the vinegar.
-Don't go for an obvious gag line that 20 other people will come up with. Be original.

Most of all, have fun!

Caption Contest Winners!

This Week's Winner:

David Reddy, Pensacola

Runners up:
"Honestly, it's just our alternative energy program."
John Ay, Palm Bay

We're trying to be like the rest of the West: A nuclear family!
Fred Bartleson III, Melbourne

Thanks for all the great captions! Toon in again tomorrow for another wordless cartoon for you to fill in.

01/22 Cartoon- Cue "Tubular Bells"

Former Clerk of Court Scott Ellis, who quit halfway through his last term, has returned to Brevard politics, saying he'll run to unseat present Clerk of Court Mitch Needelman.

Only in Brevard County.

Mr. Ellis was quoted as saying of Mr. Needelman's office, "It's an evil place." Read Tuesday's story here.

So naturally, I saw Mr. Ellis as the Exorcist.

It should be a heck of an entertaining race. Enough to make your head turn all the way around...

01/19 Cartoon- Snakes On A Glade!

Where is Samuel L. Jackson when you need him?

This time, instead of taking on a planeload of vipers, Jackson could ingeniously help eradicate the pythons and anacondas from the Everglades much as he did on that 747 in the 2006 B-movie, exploitation flick, "Snakes on a Plane."

This week, the U.S. Department of the Interior, put down its heel on the head of importing, transporting and selling a handful of giant exotic snakes.

Too little. Too late.

The snake is already out of the bag so to speak concerning Florida's Everglades.

A ban does nothing to remove the breeding population of exotics that have already established a foothold in the Everglades (a metaphor that really doesn't work when the discussion is snakes), but at least it might help to prevent new snakes from taking up residence there and in surrounding environs.

Also, the ban left off other large constrictors, mainly, the Boa -- the most popular and profitable snake in the reptile-pet industry.

The Interior Department should have also included with the ban a weighty bounty program to hunt down and kill exotic giants in the Glades.

Hey, don't get me wrong, I LOVE snakes.

In our youth, my brothers and I kept several as pets in aquariums, but they were all native to Florida and mostly harmless (to everyone that is, except the mice and frogs we fed them).

When I see a snake or two in our yard, I celebrate, and keep an eye out for a glimpse of the ribbon snake or black racer who decides to take up residence near our garden pond. The local Mockingbirds usually let us know when a snake is on the prowl.

But why would anyone want to keep a 25 ft. constricting snake as a pet?

There's the rub. Many don't. Their pet soon outgrows the aquarium, then the pen, then the entire garage. That's when too many enthusiasts turn the thing loose in the wild.

South Florida is the perfect environment for giant tropical constrictors, and they have rapidly found each other, bred, and dominated the landscape.

The Everglades have suffered the most. Exotic Burmese pythons and anacondas can find all they need there. As newcomer top-predators (they've been known to even strangle and eat adult alligators), the alien, giant serpents have taken over, and thrown off the delicate balance of the Glades ecosystem, further threatening the River of Grass's very existence.

Certainly there are much larger, more destructive "snakes" causing far greater havoc in the Everglades -- and have for nearly 100 years.

It's WAY past time we look into eradicating these voracious invaders as well.

01/18 Cartoon- Meh

Poor Mitt. Apparently, he's primed to become the next Republican presidential nominee without being very much liked.

He has the same inauthentic feel that Al Gore and John Kerry had -- a rich, out of touch guy who tries to fit in with us regular Joes. Example: he's a millionaire whose tax rate is a mere 15%. And according to Newt Gingrich, Mitt speaks French.

Zut alors!

But despite forceful attacks from his GOP opponents and super pacs, polls continue to show Romney has the best chance of beating Obama in November.

For Republican voters, the choice is narrowing down to likeability v. electability.

Here's the sketch.